What do felines and college students have in common? We live very difficult lives and we do not hide our pain. Is your roommate hungry and tired? Ten bucks says you've heard her yowl. Let man's best feline boss show you how college really feels.
1. It's What Time?!
Nothing comes less naturally to college students than time management, otherwise known as the true struggle of choosing between getting up for classes and a day of studying. Then there's option C: Going back to sleep and panicking about the reading you need to get through. “One lesson I learned in college is to never set an alarm to a song you enjoy, let alone one that is remotely pleasant. Go to considerable lengths to ensure that waking up is as miserable as possible,” said Yale University senior Victor Gomez. Great...
2. Welcome to College
I remember when I first got to college. Everything once familiar looked new, from the fresh package of hangers to the cinder block dorm room to the bland desk and walls that needed serious redecorating. But for the first week of college they seemed foreign and strange. Don't worry, once I started going to classes and getting into a routine my wide-eyed kitten look disappeared. Instead of puffing my fur at every small surprise, I learned to chill out.
3. What? I Exercise
Another semester, another fitness goal. I say, "This year I'll finally be able to do 15 pushups!" but LOL as soon as school work and club commitments hit. The only “pushups” I do happen when I push myself up off the ground after falling out of bed. "I justify not going to the gym often by rationalizing that I'm healthy and skinny enough. On the flip side, my biggest motivation is that I want to look FIT, not just skinny. I end up working out like once a week," University of Virginia senior Jinlu Yuan said. You go girl, I'll stick to calling my leg stretches in the morning #fitness.
4. One More Paragraph
When you check your required word count at 2 a.m. and find you only need 50 more words. The adrenaline and exhaustion build up simultaneously as you creep closer and closer to finishing your assignment and finally succumbing to the sweet release of sleep. You tell yourself to adopt a "Just keep swimming" attitude, only with three times more desperation and an extra twinge of pain.
5. I Just Can't Today
They predicted snow. YikYak insisted that classes would be cancelled. You blew off finishing the last chapter of your psych assignment and writing your short response to Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway because, hey, you have all of tomorrow to do it while curled up in bed with a cup of hot cocoa, right? Wrong. You wake up to below freezing temperatures and an email from the Dean announcing that classes would continue as scheduled. Why? Why? Whyyyyyy?
6. I'm Never Drinking Again
Photo by Faffling94
The light! IT BURNS. This cat = my face when I wake up in the morning after a night out. When my mouth feels like a dry sponge, the energy and strength it would take me to stand up and get a glass of water rivals climbing Mount Everest. "I feel like poop… Like really dirty poop," Raritan Valley Community College junior James Mcgovern said. The best way to cope? Fill your stomach with bagels and stay horizontal for as long as possible.
7. It Gets Worse and WORSE
You stepped in a puddle on your way to class, got into a tiff with your roommate, turned in your problem set .02 seconds after it was due, found the sink full to the brim with dirty dishes AND realized your exam takes place a week and a half sooner than you thought. Why is college so hard? Screw that, why is LIFE so hard?!
8. GO AWAY: Finals Week Edition
Nope. Sorry, I have no time in my life for anyone’s problems but mine right now. "Finals week is like flipping a coin, except instead of heads or tails, it's sleep or work. It's like building a house of cards in a tornado. It's like walking through a field of flowers, except the flowers are legos. Everything is on fire and the only thing you can find is lighter fluid," SUNY Purchase senior Qadir El said. Look, let me finish memorizing the dates of the Egyptian dynasties and then maybe consider eating that last ramen package.
9. NO. I'm Poor / It's MINE
You know when you spent almost six dollars on the tub of Ben and Jerry's because you REALLY needed it? And then your friend comes in and asks for "one bite" and eats TWO of your precious cookie dough bits. *paw slap* "I think the only thing more hollow than myself during finals week is my wallet," El said. Feeling yourself slip slowly farther and farther into debt with every ice cream pint, textbook purchase, ticket home and rent check (wow it hurts just thinking about it) makes just one more part of the joyous thing we call college.
10. I Just Really Need a Friend Right Now
When my head spins from my ever increasing to-do list or when I've gotten off the phone with my mom and really miss home, I turn to my friends. They lift me up, keep me together and keep me sane. My friends literally save my life as we go to basketball games to renew our school pride and distract ourselves and when we throw movie nights and sit in pajamas and relax, refusing to leave the house.
BONUS: This is Now My Sex Life
If you've managed to successfully date in college, you deserve a medal. Tinder. Bars. Trying to meet people "the old-fashioned way." It's so hard! Then when you finally do meet someone the game changes to decoding body language and maneuvering around roommates. Let's just all run far, far away.
Kristen is a Senior (or fourth year, as we call them!) at the University of Virginia, studying Art History and Media Studies. She loves modern art, walking around New York and fancy cheese. Read more articles by Kristen Clevenson at College Magazine.